NewSpeak Translator

Description

Newspeak automatically edits your writing to make it:

either (a) Old Fashioned & Beautiful.

    or    (b) fashionable and politically correct.

Usage:

The NewSpeak translator takes as input plain ASCII TEXT FILES WITH LINE BREAKS.  You may need to instruct your word processor to save your documents in this format before feeding them through NewSpeak.

Reference of Politically Correct Terms

Essay: The New Social Canon of Political Correctness

The PC Manifesto featuring A PC Primer

What people say and what they mean

Politically Correct Bedtime Story - The Three Little Pigs

Comments with reference to George Orwell's "1984"

Copyright © Kevin Solway,1995   PO Box 207, St Lucia 4067, AUSTRALIA.

(Freeware, from The Thinking Man's Minefield : http://www.ozemail.com.au/~ksolway)


Essay
THE NEW SOCIAL CANON OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

by Dan Rowden, 1994

       Of recent times the more strident protagonists of Political Correctness have sought to mount a literary defence of this new and  increasingly insidious social theology.  It is my expressed hope that the more rational members of our disturbingly apathetic society  will view such utterings with the caution they deserve.  It seems to  me that Political Correctness is one of those sugar-coated  principles that, in theory, presents itself as a philosophy of reasonable persuasion, but in practice manifests as a philosophy that seeks instead to - compel.  The various defenders of the faith wish to argue that correct speech is simply about showing consideration, both for the feelings of the subject (wherein a person or persons are involved), and for the factual propriety of the substance of one's statements; they would have us believe that such linguistic rectitude is indicative of an enlightened society. This view is, to me, both highly debatable and problematic, not to mention pretentious . . .

       If it were indeed the case that Political Correctness was a  philosophy that merely sought to reasonably persuade the individual that studious attention to the nature of one's language was a desirable thing, it wouldn't be so bad.  It is clearly the case, however, that PC has become something far other than this.  What we now have is a social philosophy that has shifted its ground, and has moved from an ethic of persuasion to one of  compulsion.  The fact that individuals now face possible disciplinary action, if not outright dismissal, at their workplace, and in a more general social sense, have various swords of litigation hanging over their heads, makes palpable the truth of this evolutionary move.  This applies most particulary to social commentators of various kinds and certainly to broadcasters in the media, who, I would think, are acutely aware of these facts.  This simple reality aside, even the moral invective with which PC's defenders ply their trade and denounce the hapless fools who dare speak as their conscience demands, is evidence of this change in the ethic of PC.

       Even the name of the principle itself is cause for concern:  Political Correctness - precisely whose politics, and whose notions of correctness are we talking about here?

       It is imperative also, that we differentiate clearly between people's "sensibilities" and their "liberties".  It should be noted that the manner in which one expresses one's views impinges only on another's sensibilities, and does not, unless such views are acted upon, and with the intent of some form of imposition, diminish anyone's liberties.   If an individual wishes to suggest that women are inferior to men (or vice versa), or that the Pope is the incarnation of the proverbial anti-christ, it is their inalienable right - not only to think such a thing, but if their conscience demands it be said, to say such a thing, and to do so by whatever means are available to them; and I might add, to do so with impunity.

       The fact that it may strike a dull chord with a particular individual is ultimately a problem for that individual and their private insecurities.  The old line about someone yelling "fire" in a crowded theatre simply doesn't apply in this context, because such an act is calculated to cause an affray and therefore impinge on people's liberties.  It is true of course that certain invective, when expressed, may arouse the passions of the more irrational members of a society, and that such passions may lead to something more overt, but we cannot seek to limit an individual's right to free speech purely upon the basis of presumed or imagined consequences.

       For instance, as an Atheist, and one who is utterly uncompromising in his view of metaphysical realities, I would support, without equivocation, the right of a Christian of the Fred Nile variety to publicly declare, by way of conscience, that atheists are intrinsically evil.  Such a declaration would not cause me any real concern if it were not accompanied by any obvious intent to limit my personal freedoms; firstly, because I am not a hyper-sensitive, insecure milksop; and secondly, because I recognise the superiority of the importance of the principle of freedom of speech over the superficiality of individual egotisms.

       It is simply a fact of life, that yes, even in these wondrously enlightened times, there are people out there who are foolish and naive enough to actually believe in something.  There are yet those, who, despite the best attempts at re-education by academic relativists and sundry agnostics, still insist on clinging to notions of immutable principles and values.  It is patently clear to such people that PC has become a tool for the suppression of free thought and speech, more specifically of the holders of such a philosophic perspective.

       Though it may seem to some that the oft' analogised Spanish and Italian Inquisitions constitute a rather odious comparison, I feel that the principle is essentially the same and that to draw an homology is, therefore, quite reasonable.  I concede of course that it is a matter of degree, but the reality is that we are seeing the suppression of certain individual freedoms at the impost of a particular social power; in the time of the Inquisition the tyrant was the Catholic Church; the new tyrant is society itself.  Today we are seeing the tyranny of society over the individual, manifest in all its ignominy, through the advent of Political Correctness.

       True and consistent virtue in a society cannot be artificially fabricated, be it moral and intellectual custom, or old fashioned oppression by which we attempt this.  It is utterly pointless expecting people to say one thing, when in their hearts and minds they think entirely another.  A truly tolerant society is one which is tolerant even of the intolerance of its particular members.  Creating a facade of social cohesion and considered tolerance by painting over reality with a candied veneer such as PC is totally without merit, and dangerously myopic.  We need look no further than what was once Yugoslavia for proof of this.  Generations of rivalries, prejudices, antipathies and sundry hatreds, were simply whitewashed over with the veneer of "nationhood" called Yugoslavia. It was, of course, a ridiculous contrivance, and merely created an environment in which these various tribal animosities festered and became increasingly purulent, like an infected sore that is covered by so many bandages you cannot tell what is happening underneath, until of course it is too late, and it bursts forth in all its pus-ridden virulence.

       It is imperative that each individual in any given society has available to them an accurate overview of the multiplicity of beliefs and principles, and yes, even the hatreds and bigotries of that society.  Such a social comprehension can only come about in an atmosphere of the full and frank expression of all views - as they are truly held!  - not merely as we might prefer them to be held. To imagine that people will, in time, begin to feel differently about a particular issue if they are exhorted to express their view in a particular manner, is simply inane.  The truth is that people are likely to become more inflexible if they feel that the capacity to express their views as their conscience demands is being undermined.

       Political Correctness is a nice idea - too nice by half, methinks. Its prophets and disciples have, it seems, become far too enamoured with its (and their own) supposed virtue.  This rather insipid narcissism has evolved into a particularly disquieting sense of infallibility of which even the Papacy would be envious.

       Let me stress, in conclusion, that it is precisely the relativism and moral agnosticism of modern academia that is the source of this foolishness.  Such philosophies as those held by these modern Pyrrhonists deny any notion of an objective, absolute truth, either in a moral or a metaphysical sense; this basically means that one view is as true and valuable as another, hence no particular view should (or nowadays, can) be expressed in such a way as to imply superiority, or heaven forbid, that it constitutes a Truth!

       You cannot force people to be more enlightened; and to think otherwise is fatuous in the extreme.  At best we can encourage people to develop a greater sense of personal integrity, in both the moral, and I think more importantly, the intellectual sense.  This takes time; it requires a paradigm shift in social consciousness.  It seems to me that we are indeed experiencing a shift in social consciousness, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with enlightenment.  What we are seeing is the consideration of personal sensibilities taking precedence over certain personal liberties (in this case, freedom of expression).  In a society that prides itself on the claim of being, as we say, "free", evolutionary back-peddling such as that which Political Correctness has become, should be regarded as intolerable - if one may be momentarily . . . incorrect.


terms
The Thinking Man's Reference

                        of

     Politically Correct Terms

a woman....................a person of gender

actress.......................actor

affliction...................condition

afro-american..........african-american

alien...........................relative

alimony......................back salary

alive............................temporarily metabolically abled

angry..........................passionate

animal trainer.........interspecies communicator

animals......................non-human beings

anti-abortion............pro-life

argue..........................share

argued........................shared feelings

arguing......................sharing

bad..............................different

bald.............................comb-free

bald.............................hair disadvantaged

ballboy.......................ballchild

barmaid.....................bar attendant

beautiful....................different

belief..........................tentative inclination

bisexual......................sexually non-preferential

blind...........................visually challenged

blow one's nose........deal with one's handkerchief

body odor..................nondiscretionary fragrance

book............................processed tree carcass

books..........................processed tree carcasses

boring........................charm-free

boy..............................oppressor-to-be

boyfriend...................unpaid sex worker

broken home.............disfunctional family

brotherhood..............siblinghood

bum.............................displaced homeowner

cattle ranch...............cattle concentration Camp

certain........................reasonably sure

certainly.....................probably

certainty.....................reasonable likelihood

chairman....................chairperson

chicano.......................person of color

cigarette smoking....assault with a deadly weapon

clever..........................different

closed.........................somewhat unopen

clumsy........................uniquely coordinated

complain....................share

conservative..............reactionary

conservative..............right wing extremist facist pig

convict........................socially seperated

corpse.........................nonliving person

crazy............................emotionally different

dead people................disfunctional earth children

dead.............................metabolically different

deaf..............................aurally inconvenienced

deaf..............................visually oriented

deformed....................special

delicatessen...............corpse farm

devil............................God's mischevious offspring

dirty............................consciousness expanding

disability....................special challenge

disabled......................differently abled

disease........................condition

dish washer...............utensil sanitizer

dishonest...................ethically disoriented

disorganised.............non-traditionally ordered

dog..............................canine companion

dominant....................opressive

dominate....................opress

dominated..................opressed

domination................opression

doorman.....................access controller

drooling drunk idiot...person on floor

drug addict................chemically challenged

drunk...........................spatially perplexed

dumb............................neuronically challenged

economically exploited..differently advantaged

egg ranch....................hen rapery

elderly.........................longer living

european.....................Mutant Albino Global Minority

evil...............................potentially good

false teeth...................alternative dentation

false.............................seemingly not entirely correct

farmer.........................exploiter of mother earth

farming.......................exploiting mother earth

fat.................................stout

feminism.....................equitism

feminist.......................equitist

filthy............................consciousness expanding

fireman........................firefighter

fishing..........................raping the oceans

foul...............................challenging

freak.............................gift from God

fur................................dead animal skins

gang.............................youth group

genius..........................mentally different

ghetto..........................pre-integrated pre-nirvana

girl friday...................assistant

girl watching.............street harassment

girl...............................female person

girlfriend...................acquaintance rape survivor

girlfriends.................unpaid sex workers

girls............................young female persons

gorgeous....................different

graffiti........................people's art

grammar....................ethnocentric white patriarchal restructuring of 	language

great...........................different

hairdresser................hair stylist

hamburger................seared mutillated animal flesh

hate.............................dislike

hates...........................dislikes

he or she or it...........h'orsh'it

he................................she

hearing person.........temporarily aurally abled

heir.............................inheritron

heiress........................inheritron

heroine.......................hero

heterosexual..............blatantly heterosexual

history........................his'n'herstory

homeless....................involuntarily undomiciled

homosexual................gay

honey..........................stolen nonhuman animal sweetener

hopeless.....................stepping stone

hostess........................host

housewife...................domestic engineer

housewife...................homemaker

humans.......................human animals

hunter.........................bambi butcher

hurricane...................himmicane

I....................................my humble self

ignorance...................alternative wisdom

ignorant.....................differently wise

illiterate.....................alternatively schooled

illogical......................differently logical

immature....................childlike

impaired.....................challenged

in fact...........................seemingly

incompetent...............of different interests

inferior.......................different

inmate.........................guest

inmates.......................guests

insane people.............selectively perceptive

insolvent.....................illiquid

intellect......................intuition

intelligence...............intuition

intelligent..................intuitive

janitor.........................environmental hygienist

jew...............................Jewish person

judge............................consider

junkie..........................substance abuse survivor

kid................................young person

kids..............................young people

kinsmen......................kin

lazy..............................of different interests

learning disability...self-paced cognitive ability

leather........................dead animal skins

lesbian........................gynocentric be-ing

lesbianism.................gynocentric be-ing

liar..............................a person creative with the facts

lie................................constructive version of the facts

literary criticism.....lit crit

logger.........................treeslayer

lost..............................temporarily misoriented

lover...........................spouse equivalent

lovers.........................spouse equivalents

lower classes............downtrodden

lumberjack................tree butcher

mad.............................challenging

maid...........................house helper

maiden name............family birth name

mail man...................person person

mainstream..............dominant culture

malady.......................condition

man of letters...........literary person

man-made.................artificial

man.............................person

manageress...............manager

mankind....................earth children

mankind....................humankind

manly.........................womanly

manpower.................human resources

marriage...................legalised rape

married.....................legally raping

matron.......................supervisor

meat............................flesh

men.............................bastards

menstruate................femstruate

mentally retarded...exceptional

meter maid................parking enforcement aduciator

middleman................intermediary

midget, dwarf...........vertically challenged

minority group........numerically challenged group

mistake......................learning experience

mistaken....................differently opinioned

moan...........................share

Mr...............................Pn

Mrs.............................Pn

Ms...............................Pn

mute............................orally challenged

negative......................uninformed

negro...........................African American

negroes.......................African Americans

negroid.......................African American

newpaper....................processed tree carcass

newspapers................processed tree carcasses

normal........................blatently normal

office boy....................office assistant

old joke.......................previously recounted humorous narrative

old person..................gerontologically advanced

old...............................experientially enhanced

paper...........................processed tree skeleton

pathetic......................unique

patient........................guest

patients......................guests

pensioner...................elder

perverted...................sexually dysfunctional

pet rock......................mineral companion

pet...............................animal companion

pets.............................animal companions

philistine...................disadvantaged person

policeman..................law enforcement officer

political correctness....murder  (just kidding)

politically correct...culturally sensitive

politically correct...evil    (not really)

poor..............................economically unprepared

poor.............................economically exploited

postman......................postperson

pregnant.....................parasitically oppressed

pretty..........................different

priestess.....................priest

prisoner.....................guest of the correctional system

prisoners...................guests of the correctional system

problem.....................task

promiscuous.............sexually active

prostitute..................sex care provider

psychopath................socially misaligned person

psychotic...................socially misaligned

race..............................ethnicity

remedial....................additional preparation

right-hand man........chief assistant

rude.............................politically correct

seamstress.................seamstron

seducer.......................seductron

seductress..................seductron

seeress........................seer

seminar......................ovarium

severely crippled.....involved

sex change..................gender reassignment

shit..............................fertilizer

shoplifter...................non-traditional shopper

short............................vertically challenged

sighted person..........temporarily visually abled

slave............................enslaved person

sloppy.........................non-traditionally ordered

slum.............................economic opression zone (EOZ)

snowman....................snowperson

sorcerer.....................sorceron

sorceress....................sorceron

spendthrift.................negative saver

steak............................scorched animal corpses

stewardess.................flight attendent

stoned.........................chemically inconvenienced

straw man..................straw person

stupid..........................neuronically challenged

superior.....................different

table............................tree skeleton

tall...............................vertically inconvenienced

taxi driver.................public passenger vehicle driver

terrible......................O.K

The Establishment...White Power Elite

trees............................oxygen exchange units

tribe............................people

ugly.............................cosmetically different

underling..................downtrodden

unemployed..............indefinitely idled

used books.................recycled books

useless........................unique

value...........................relative value

victim.........................survivor

violence......................passionate expression

violent.........................passionate

waiter.........................waitron

waitress......................waitron

want.............................prefer on the whole

war...............................mutually empowering shared experience

whaler.........................blubber lover

white male..................oppressor

white male..................racist

white person..............racist

white trash.................PC unaware

white...........................blatently white

wild.............................free-roaming

wino............................substance abuse survivor

women........................wimmin

wool............................stolen nonhuman animal fibres

workman....................worker

worse..........................somewhat less desirable

worst...........................least best

wrong.........................differently logical

young girl..................prewoman

young girls................prewomen

zoo...............................animalcatraz

             Recommended phrases

- But of course I would like to stress that this is only my opinion.

- Or so it seems to me.

- Or as far as I can tell.

- At least, this is my hypothesis.

- Tentatively speaking of course.

- Hypothetically speaking of course.

- Or not, as the case may be.

- Or at least, this is how I imagine it to be.

- Or so I have heard.

- Or so I am told.

- But not in every case.

- Or at least, I think so.

- Of course, this is only in most cases, not in all cases.

- Don't you think?

- Don't you agree?

- I don't believe this, but I have no doubt that it is true.

- What do you think?

- What are your thoughts on this?

- I don't know.

- I have no idea.

- I don't have a clue.

- I wouldn't have clue.

- It beats me.

- It's very complicated, I think.

- Anyway, that's my opinion.

- Oh well, it's food for thought.

- Anyway, it's an interesting area.

- At least, it should stimulate debate.

- Oh well, it's an idea.

- It's something to think about.

- It's a grey area.

- It's not a black and white issue.

- It seems that the more we know about these things the less we   understand.

- But we are only just coming to understand these things, possibly.

- Although I can't pretend to be an expert.

- Though I'm not claiming this is the be all and end all.

- But of course, I don't pretend to know all the answers, I'm just posing a few questions.

- Sorry.

- Please excuse me.

- Or so I am inclined to think.

- Or so I am led to believe.

- I apologize if I have offended anyone in any way.

- I apologize if I am repeating myself.

- I'll ask my wife.

- It's an interesting question.

- My wife thinks I'm the most intelligent person on the planet.

- My wife thinks so too.

- My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.

- I actually disagree with my wife on this point.

- Though I understand this is a controversial issue, and not everyone will agree.

- Far be it for me to seek to change the way anyone thinks in any way.

- This seems to be the general consensus, here, at the current time.

- The older I grow, the less I know.

- Although I wouldn't presume to cast doubt on the ideas anyone else has had on this issue.

- Is that alright?

- At least, that's how it looks from where I'm standing.

- That's what it seems to suggest to me.

- Of course, the above is only one of many different sides to this question.

- Is that impossible?

- I would wish to enter a discussion on this point, but it's beyond the scope and the parameters of this current work.

- I should emphasize that I have no definite conclusions about this.


What peope say and what they mean
WHAT PEOPLE SAY

AND WHAT THEY MEAN

or

A disappointing look

at the Ignoble Life

of the Normal Person

I need time alone.

(I need time alone with my new lover.)

I need time to think things over.

(I don't want to be around when you realize I'm leaving you.)

We're just not suited to each other.

(She's prettier than you.)

I didn't mean to hurt you.

(I couldn't care less about you.)

We've just drifted apart.

(I find you repulsive.)

This has nothing to do with you.

(You are diseased.)

I'm the one who's to blame.

(I should never have got involved with you in the first place.)

All I want is for you to be happy.

(Give me a break.)

You'll have no trouble finding someone else.

(I don't want to see you ever again.)

I miss you.

(I haven't found anyone else yet.)

I'm fine . . . really.

(If I die, it'll be your fault.)

Everyone's been great.

(All your friends have made passes at me.)

I'm not seeing anyone in particular.

(I'm playing the field.)

We could get counselling.

(We could go broke finding out why we're not compatible.)

There'll never be anyone else like you.

(I will never make the same horrific mistake again.)

I'd still like to be friends.

(I'd like to hang around long enough to ruin your next relationship.)

Thanks to comedian Wendy Harmer for some of the above.

WHAT WOMEN SAY

AND WHAT THEY MEAN

Yes

(No)

No

(No)

Maybe

(No)

You want

(You want)

We need

(I want)

It's your decision.

(The correct decision should be obvious by now.)

Do what you want.

(You'll pay for this later.)

I'm sorry.

(You'll be sorry.)

We need to talk.

(I need to complain.)

Sure . . . go ahead.

(I don't want you to.)

I'm not upset.

(Of course I'm upset, you moron.)

You're...so manly.

(You need a shave and you sweat a lot.)

You're certainly attentive tonight.

(Is sex all you ever think about?)

I'm not emotional!  And I'm not overreacting!

(It's my period)

This kitchen is so inconvenient.

(I want a new house)

I want new curtains.

(and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper . . .)

I heard a noise.

(I noticed you were almost asleep.)

Do you love me?

(I'm going to ask for something expensive.)

How much do you love me?

(I did something today you're really not going to like . . .)

Is my butt fat?

(Tell me I'm beautiful.)

You have to learn to communicate.

(Just agree with me.)

Do you like this recipe?

(It's easy to fix, so you'd better get get used to it.)

I'm not yelling!

(Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.)

Hello?  Oh yes.  Didn't we meet at a bar Wednesday night?

(I've been waiting by the telephone for three days.)

Let's not talk "commitment" . . . Let's just see what happens.

(I'm not taking any birth control pills.)

I can't believe you're here.  It must be fate!!

(I've been following you all day.)

I love a man who takes charge.

(You're picking up the check aren't you.)

Are you listening to me!?

[Too late, you're dead.]

IN ANSWER TO THE QUESTION "WHAT'S WRONG?"

The same old thing.

(Nothing.)

Nothing.

(Everything.)

Everything.

(My PMS is acting up.)

Nothing, really.

(It's just that you're such an asshole.)

I don't want to talk about it.

(Go away, I'm still building up evidence against you.)


The PC Manifesto

[ I found this piece somewhere on the internet.  If humour is what it takes to force people to think, then humour is what they'll get! ]

THE  PC  MANIFESTO

Featuring

A  PC  PRIMER

by

Saul Jerushalmy  &  Rens Zbignigwiuw

``. . . In order to forge a cosmic accord of unprecidented unity and harmony, The Politically Correct Movement demands that all people, regardless of prior social preconditioning must accept the incipient world order that will offer unlimited bliss and contentment.  Dammit.''

Prof. Dr. Skippy ``Tiang-Min'' Whitmore

Berkeley, CA, 1965

- A  PC  PRIMER -

Q: WHAT IS P.C.?

PC stands for Politically Correct.  We of the Politically Correct

philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures,

race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles.  Political Correctness

is the only social and morally acceptable outlook.  Anyone who disagrees

with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.

Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?

Being PC is fun.  PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life!  PC

offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social

evils of centuries of oppression.

Q: I AM A WHITE MALE.  CAN I STILL BE PC?

Sure.  You just have to feel very guilty.

Q: WHY?

If you are a white male, your ancesters were responsible for practically

every injustice in the world . . . slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportcoats.  That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities.  Now it is time to balance the scales of justice for the decendants of those individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.

Q: HOW?

It's simple.  You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and

what you do.  You just don't want to offend anyone.

Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?

That's right.  Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world

a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.

Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?

Oh, there are lots of ways.  For example, why buy regular ice cream when you can buy ``Rain Forest Crunch?''

Segrega . . . whoops . . . separate all of your garbage into different containers:  glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic, etc.  Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals.  Try to find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your

teeth at the same time.  Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to irrigate your lawn.  Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden.  Don't use aerosal.  By all means, don't burn American Flags!

If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part!  Don't do drugs.  You should listen to at least one of the following PC

musicians:  U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang.

Harrass people who wear fur coats.  Remind them that an innocent baby seal was mercilessly clubbed.  Or just yell, ``FUR.''  They hate that.

And don't EVER eat meat.

Q: DON'T EAT MEAT?  WHY NOT?!

Cows are animals, just like humans are animals.  That means that they have rights.  When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!

Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?

No, not always.  Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian

Gulf.  You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when

it doesn't.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?

The general rule is as follows:

    IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY,

 HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.

Examine the following chart:

RIGHTS	NO RIGHTS

cows	cockroaches

cute bunnies	flies

dolphins in tuna nets	tuna in tuna nets

whales	sharks

red squirrels	gray squirrels

owls	loggers

harbor seals	barnacles

Q: WOW.  WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?

Hug a tree.  Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what

gives flavour to our great country.  Get in touch with your sexual identity.

Check your refrigerator for freon leaks.  Subscribe to National Geographic.  Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes.  After you read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.

Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.

If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember.  YOU  ARE  RIGHT.  It's that simple.  You are right.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?

Good question.  It's important to know when someone is saying something

insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society.  The

guideline is as follows:

     Is the confrontation between two white people?

     The liberal is right.

     The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.

Here's a fun practice drill for you:  See how many newspaper articles you can make into race bias stories.  It's fun!  Some PCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet!

Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?

It all depends on the situation.  If you are not in a position of authority,

by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge.  If

your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90's,

she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender

disciplined.

Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?

The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be

espoused by anyone.  That's not what free speech is about.  Some call it

censorship.  PCers call it ``selective'' speech.  Saying something negative

about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching them in the face.  We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.

Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE ``BLACK'', ``INDIAN'', ETC.

Yes.  That's part of the PC movement.  You see, part of the way we think

about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them.  Take "black"' for instance.  Why should a person be judged by the color of their skin?

Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER?

No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from.  If your great-grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should be identified by that fact.  You can even apply for special scholarships!

Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN.  CAN I GET ONE?

No, there are no scholarships for any of those.  Sorry.  If you are a woman,

however, there should be plenty.

Q: HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT TECHNICALLY BE AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN?

Technically, yes.  But that's not the kind of African-American we mean.

That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we're pretending that

we aren't.  Another example: a white South-African U.S. immigrant is not

an African-American either.

Q: HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT?

See The Thinking Man's Reference of Politically Correct Terms.

Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC.  WHAT CAN I DO?

Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer

their time with philanthropies.  Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western perspectives on history.  Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes to reflect cultural biases.

Q: I DON'T GET IT.

Well, the way the system works now, "select"' under-represented minorities who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions at school and work and receive preferential treatment.  This is unfair and wrong.

Q: IT IS?

Yes.  The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for

different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score,

depending on who is taking the test.  If you are white, then you have been

benefited by society during your life.  That means that you lose

ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.

Q: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.

It IS right.  That's the beauty of PC.

Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?

Humor.  PC people take every comment VERY seriously.  We will not accept any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a racial slur.

Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.

"What's black and white and red all over?'' has been staple humor for

decades.  Not PC  - it can be taken the wrong way.

In every day speech, try to use phrases like, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle African-American.''  Any racial jokes or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted.  True, this mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you pay for social equality.

Likewise, get used to using the word "gender" (PC people don't like the word "sex"' as it has confusing connotations)

Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?

Yes.  The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that people are diversely equal.  We rejoice in this equality by treating people differently based on their equal individuality.  Hop aboard the bandwagon . . . Be PC.  Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive pig.


The Three Little Pigs

by

James Finn Garner

[ This story obtained on the Internet ]

Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and in harmony with their environment.  Using materials that were indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house.  One pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay, and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln.  When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered.  One day, along came a big bad wolf with expansionist ideas.  He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both a physical and an ideological sense.  When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw.  The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny.  So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw.  The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit.  Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a banana plantation.

At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"

At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly.  He thought to himself : "They are so childlike in their ways.  It will be a shame to see them go, but progress cannot be stopped."

So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks.  The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels.  Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops , snorkeling, and dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted , "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view.  So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, the grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf.  Their next step was to liberate their homeland.  They grathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands.  This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.  Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and affordable housing for everyone.

* Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct.  No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.


George Orwell's "1984"
Comments with Reference

to

George Orwell's

"1984"

[ Downloaded from the Newspeak and Doublethink Homepage on the Internet ]

[ Authorship unknown ]

Modern English Is Devolving

Newspeak, in Orwell's book, is a new form of English in which the vocabulary was being gradually reduced in power.  Words that are inoffensive and inarticulate are being foisted on us as the correct way to speak.  Newspeak is the deliberate use of words that are ambiguous or deceptive in an attempt to control public opinion.

"Affirmative action" is one example.  Affirmative things can only be good.  How can one criticize a good thing?  Action can be good too.  Affirmative action is "plus-good".  Racial discrimination is bad.  Asking about a person's race is racist unless it is the government asking.  If you do not answer government questions about your race, you can be arrested, fined, or denied employment.  Minorities are given special treatment this year, except men.

George Orwell Was Right!

The book 1984 by George Orwell is one which you should read.  The totalitarian governments which are depicted, and the social straight-jackets which were manufactured, resemble today's world situation in many ways.  Big Brother, Uncle Joe Stalin, Uncle Sam, Mother Russia, the Motherland, The Great Communicator, and many other nicknames are used with affection and with power.  The welfare state, centralized planning, the unemployment office, Universal Health Care, team players, and mob reactions are all manifestations of the desire by many people to fit in and to be secure.  These herd reactions can be practical in an overpopulated world, but they can diminish the quality of life, as Orwell described.

The population explosion is making people desperate enough to accept all kinds of indignities to fit in the mold of the beetle-like worker mentioned in 1984.  Today's television indoctrination to the violent culture helps people become police and soldiers without conscience.  Mass murder by governments happen every year now.  People expect us to make war every year, several times a year.  A year without war is so rare that leaders who do not kill enough people are considered weak and inexperienced.  We do not defend our borders any more, we defend the borders of our rivals, trading the roles of enemy and ally, as in 1984.  Is Eurasia our ally in 1995?  Is Eastasia our enemy?  Yes.  That will change someday.  As George Orwell said, we must have an enemy to unify our people to work together.  And by changing alliances every few years, the government maintains the power to direct hatred in various directions with flexibility.  Iran, Iraq, China, the Soviet Union, Russia, Panama, Lebanon, Columbia, France, Argentina, Vietnam, Japan, Germany, Nicuragua, Somalia, Uganda, South Africa, England, Ireland, Libya, Cambodia, Laos, Mexico : our enemies can change rapidly into friends and vice-versa.

Doublethink is Thriving

Doublethink is a term Orwell used to describe the ability to believe two contradictory ideas without feeling confused.  Doublethink is perverted thinking that reverses the truth to make it more acceptable.  Affirmative Action requires doublethink to be affective.  Because some people were discriminated against because of their races, a remedy was devised to help those people: discriminate against people of different races.  Doublethink abilities are used to reconcile this obvious illogic.  You need to be content with the wise government plan and the fact that if you do not get hired, you will never be told it was because of your race.  Just turn off your intelligence, pretend you are not a victim of Affirmative Racism, and try again.  Maybe there will be a more advantageous racial mix in the next job you apply for.

War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength.  These are the three pillars of Doublethink.  Are these in evidence today?  Yes.  Peacekeepers carry guns in Bosnia.  They are sitting ducks delivering their quack message : Do Not Dare Kill Us, We Are Apostles of Peace.  Anyone who shoots a Peacekeeper, will be bombed, strafed, napalmed, teargassed, and otherwise murdered.  Peace is good, war is good.

Freedom is Slavery.  Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.  Liberty is something most people are afraid to use.  The freedom of speech is illegal in courts.  A person who acts freely and speaks freely is someone who is ostracized, feared, and sent packing.  The slogan "Freedom is Slavery" was written on tall buildings in Airstrip One so that people would know not to use freedom. (I assume you have read 1984).

Freedom leads to poverty and low social standing.  Much more practical than freedom are team spirit, concensus, and a willingness to give up ambition in favor of having a safe place in the social structure.  Slavery is bad and freedom is bad.

Jury duty is a form of slavery.  When you show up at the court, armed guards threaten you with tangible punishment for even speaking.  They pay jurors about $5 per day, not enough to buy food.  If you break their rules, you will be arrested.  If you do not want to be arrested, they shoot to kill.  If you use freedom of speech, you will be shouted down and handcuffed.  Jurors are chosen and dismissed by attorneys and judges depending on illogical criteria : sometimes they try to assemble the least educated people available, of certain races and genders that they expect to behave in predetermined ways, based on bigotry and stereotypes.  The goal is to punish SOMEBODY, even innocent people.  There is no justice in court, just punishment.

Ignorance Is Strength.  Being strong is double-plus-good.  Strong people can endure hardships and affronts without complaint.  If one does not know about a crime committed by the government, there is nothing to complain about.  If nuclear weapons have not destroyed womynkind yet, then one should not complain about them.  After nuclear weapons destroy womynkind, you are then justified if you try to complain.

Terrorists vs. Freedom Fighters: Doublethink is convenient when classifying people into one of these groups.  Those evil terrorists who attack your friends are very different from freedom fighters who kill imperialistic invaders.  The most important factor in making the distinction between a terrorist and a freedom fighter is where YOU were born.

In George's book, the Anti-Sex League has its members wear a tight red sash around their wastes, even though this accentuates the female figure to arouse male desires.  In 1995 it is a "thoughtcrime" to "undress with the eyes".  When I was working at a major semiconductor company in silicon valley in 1993, the employees received a paper about "Sexual Harassment" in which "undressing with the eyes" is a crime.